Engagement

I've always been a hopeless romantic... And, yes, ever since I can remember I have dreamt about getting engaged and married. I remember fantasizing about a huge wedding with lots of guests, a spectacular event which would include me singing (of course), all my family, friends and basically everybody I have ever met; it'd take place in an incredible party hall or in a beautiful garden... etc. etc. The funny thing though, is that I never actually thought about who I'd be getting married to... Or what it meant... Or why'd I'd do it. In fact, I think this was the least of my worries. 

I spent many years wondering whether I'd propose to someone or if I'd wait for someone to propose to me... If a gay couple is supposed to follow the straight protocol of making it a surprise or if both talked about it and exchanged rings instead. This brought me to the conflict of "should I plan a big romantic event to propose? I'd love to do it! Yes, I will! But wait, I want to be proposed to as well! Grrr!!".

...And, again, I never thought of the person I'd be proposing to or why.

The answer, however, came to me last Saturday. And it was much simpler than I ever imagined. I had it backwards all along. And for a good reason too, I think.

So, my partner and I were at my cousin's wedding last Saturday. It was amazing and extra special since my family was so welcoming towards him. They interacted with us and were very happy for us being together. We drank, danced and did everything one normally does at a wedding (that goes well)...

When the evening came, my partner asked me to walk with him a little to get some air - my usual paranoid reaction being "why? is there something wrong?". Anyway, he led me away from the dance floor and all the people, to this little love seat set next to a pond. The day had finally cooled down and there was a general feeling of merriment in the air - perfect setting. We sat down and started talking about nothing in particular. And then, he did it. He took my ring from my finger (my 'commitment' ring to him), got on one knee and asked me if I would marry him. 

I looked at him and realized something unusual. There were no people around to applaud and gasp. There was no romantic violin music in the background. There was no surprise ring hidden in the cake or on the bottom of a glass of champagne. And it was then that I knew I had been waiting for the wrong thing. Being focused on all those details I had always ignored the fact that I'd been expecting things that happen on TV, or proposals that made other people happy, trying to make them my own. 

In my case, there was the man I love. That one person at whose side I have been meant to be. The one with whom I've been through so much this year, in an unlikely relationship, enduring distances that were literally across continents; my 'bullet-proof love' as my mother called it. The one I am willing to wait for and I have no problem making my one and only. He was on one knee, asking me to be his husband and take on the world together.

That's when I understood what an engagement was about. 

Of course, I said yes. (Yay! I'm getting married! ... ^_^ ... Ok, I'm back now). And then I said "of course I'll marry you... ... Ummm... There are no witnesses to the proposal!" - alcohol makes me overly direct perhaps. So, what did he do? A couple of hours later (maybe less), as I was talking with my cousins, he sneaked behind me, slipped the ring of my finger and proposed again in front of my family. If it hadn't already been perfect, that made it so.

Later I was thinking about the kind of wedding I'd like. And, for the first time in my life I thought "I don't need a big over-the-top, super expensive wedding. I need the man I love at my side. I want us to vow to be together, make it official, share it with the people I love (not with everyone I've met just for the sake of having lots of people at my wedding)."

Perhaps that's what love is really about, huh? When you realize that the things around you, the plans you make around the relationship are just pluses, decoration - and the real focus of your happiness is having that person in your life.