PROLOGUE
I
always loved the smell of the ocean; a salty fragrance that transported my
heart to those days of my childhood where I didn’t have to go to school and I
could just enjoy my time with my family. The sea meant I could stay up late
sitting on a balcony with my mother, gazing at the sky and listening to the
soothing sound of the waves.
There was this one time I was having
breakfast with my parents by the beach and I saw a dark spot in the sky, far
away in the horizon. I had never seen such a disturbance before, it made no
sense to me. We were on vacation at the beach! Was it not the one place we went
to where everything was perfect?
“What is that?”, I asked my mom.
“Oh, that is just a storm”, she said
casually and then resumed her chat with my father.
A storm? It was like reality had
slapped me awake. I had never even considered the possibility of having ‘bad
weather’ here, in paradise.
“What is going to happen? Are we
gonna be ok?”, I asked. My 5 year-old mind already bursting with chaotic
scenarios.
“You have nothing to worry about”,
my mother answered with a gentle smile, “it will even be fun! You’ll see…”
She was right. I loved watching the
storm from the five star hotel we were staying at. We had ice-cream as I stood
near the window, amazed at the lighting and thunder hitting the ocean, the palm
trees almost giving into the might of the wind, bending as if ready to snap. To
me it was just a show.
I guess one of the most important
reasons why I loved the ocean so much is what it stood for, being by the ocean
meant I was safe and happy.
Safe.
Happy.
Two concepts I am no longer familiar
with.
Though I doubt it would make any
difference, I wish I could somehow remember how long I have been here. How I
got here. At the very least, I am grateful I have some memories to keep me
going. I have a place to go back to. Even if I never make it back.
I
The day my journey took a whole new
direction, I was swimming a little deeper than I usually do. I kept wondering
how it was that I still had oxygen in the tanks. While it was true that I had
no clue as to how much time I had spent drifting in the ocean, it sure felt
like over a couple of weeks. Being wet now just felt like the natural state of
my body; I had been wearing the same clothes, a red plaid shirt whose color had
been gradually fading because of the saltiness of the ocean; a pair of old
jeans with empty pockets, save for a now useless headset and a wallet with some
ID and a picture.
There was nothing special about that
day, as far as I was concerned. I was looking for some fish that looked edible
or at least not too disgusting – not that I could be picky anymore. As I
recall, I used to be quite the finicky man, back in my other life. I would not
even eat chicken from the bone or anything that looked too much like what it
was when it was alive. I wonder what my friends would have thought, seeing me
biting the flesh of a half-alive fish to keep myself from starving.
It had been raining the night
before, though of course it was nothing like those storms I used to admire as a
child. My little boat would be tossed around riding the waves like a leaf
carried by the mischievous winds of fall. You would think I hated the storms
now, but that is because you have never been stranded in the middle of the ocean
– rain means water. And water is life. It’s one of those ‘ironic’ things in
life, being surrounded by the one thing that could keep you alive and yet,
being unable to drink it.
Another big perk of storms is that
they make the ocean quite tame the next day. When there is nothing but water as
far as the eye can see, it is nice to be able to dive into it to admire the
beauty underneath. The sun peeking through the surface, making the fish glitter
and shine. The odd creatures of the sea, thankfully more afraid of me than I
had been of them, even the occasional whale. In fact, up until that day, I had
always thought whales to be more solitary animals, merrily gliding through the
current.
I had never seen a shark, though.
As I was swimming that day, after
catching a banner-fish (I was no marine biologist, so I made up names for the
fish as I saw fit), I caught a glimpse of a whale. A rather small one. The sun
was still out but I was deep enough that the light had begun to be scarce. The
creature started towards me, which was not usual behavior for the whales I had
encountered before. I was curious… Too much to react instantly. That was, of
course, until I saw its teeth.
I swam quickly to the side and
barely avoided the creature head-butting me; for some reason, it didn’t feel
like it was trying to bite me, but rather just crash into me. Either way, I
wasn’t about to find out, curiosity kills more than cats. I turned away from
the animal I assumed was a shark with the intention of swimming to the surface
as fast as I could. But, had it been that easy, I would not have much of a
story to tell.
II
When I turned around, I encountered
a rather unusual sight. Maybe not unusual for someone who studies these things,
but all my knowledge on this salty wet world was a posteriori. I was suddenly surrounded by a school of whales.
Now, I don’t know if you have ever
seen a whale in real life. It’s not like they have expressive faces (or faces,
per se), but I had the slight feeling these were not very happy.
I made for the surface, hoping I
could reach my boat before things got complicated. And that is when my life
changed. Again.
I felt something collide against my
right side, leaving me stunted and breathing with a lot of difficulty,
especially considering I was getting oxygen from a mask. I had no time to
regain my balance or perspective before something else smashed my left side. I
felt helpless.
Worse. I felt vulnerable.
My eyes were open but I couldn’t see
anything. I could no longer tell where the surface was or which direction I was
facing, and, frankly, it was no longer my priority. I kept being shoved in
different directions, violently pushed by one these creatures and carried by
the current another one created as it swam quickly by my side. The world that
had been so beautiful just minutes before, had become a swirling madness I
could not get out of. I kept my hands on my face, both protecting it and the
precious apparatus supplying me with the indispensable gas. All I could do was
wish they would not damage the tank on my back. That would mean game over.
I tried to fight it. I tried to escape. I tried to
make sense of it. And then I just gave in. I was up against majestic, powerful
creatures in their own environment. I did not stand a chance. I relaxed my body
and my mind. I kind of had known this trip had an expiration date, and I
expected it would end something like this. But I still harbored a small hope
that somehow, I could have made it back.
As I took my hands away from my face
and relaxed my legs, letting my body be carried by the flow, I noticed again
the beautiful rays of the sun piercing through the surface. My body ached from
the assault of the marine monsters. Then I felt another shove. I admired the
deep darkness of the seemingly bottomless ocean, wondering what amazing
creatures lived down there. Wondering how much I would see as I sank deeper
into that darkness. Would my eyes adjust? Or would it be like sinking into a
deep sleep? I kept getting turned this way and that as the mighty beasts toyed
with me.
Until it felt like it didn’t matter anymore.
III
When I woke up, I was floating on
the surface, next to my little boat. Had I dreamt the episode with the whales?
I swam towards the starboard, very much feeling the pain reassuring me I had
indeed played with whales all night. I’m guessing the so-called shark was just
a smaller whale, starting the game of dodge-human.
I climbed into my little vessel and
let myself lie sprawled on the deck. Allowing the sun to bathe me in its warm
light, imagining it whispering ‘it’s okay, it’s over now’.
After a few minutes I got up and
gladly found my banner-fish still there. I called it that because it was long
and kind of wide, reminding me of those banners carried by planes with messages
for people, or advertisements for some companies. I took my diving gear off and
regarded the bruises with a mixed sense of accomplishment and relief.
I survived. Again.
I put my clothes on, as usual, and
sat leaning against the rim of the boat. You would think that by this point I
would just stay naked all the time, but old habits die hard. I drank some of
the water I had collected the night before (or was it to nights ago?). The
sound of the waves splashing against the boat were still quite soothing for me;
regardless of this experience, the ocean still held its magic and control over
me in that way.
It took me a while to realize that I
was staring at a piece of land in the horizon right in front of me. At first, I
didn’t even pay attention to it, I just stared in a kind of haze, daydreaming.
Then, it was like having a conversation with my brain.
“Hey, that wasn’t there before, was
it?”, my brain stated lazily.
“I dunno. You’re the one who should
know, I’m just here for the ride”, I said out loud, smiling at the silliness of
it all.
“Well, that was definitely not there
before.”, my brain remarked.
“Congratulations on your discovery
then,” I said as I raised my bag of water, “what are you going to do with it?”
And that thought brought me to a
sudden halt. What was I going to do with it? Well, reaching it would be a good
start! I shot up straight to my feet and got to work. More excited than afraid.
This meant nothing to me, though. Land only meant I would be able to remember
what being dry was like. And perhaps vary my diet a little. But I would not
want to have another set of creatures using me for their entertainment.
Especially big, land creatures.
Nevertheless, it was still land and
I was still happy to head towards it.
IV
As I docked my boat, or rather
pulled it onto the sand with all the might I had left, I surveyed my
surroundings.
It looked like a small island. The
beach where I was at was nothing special, there were a couple of small
mountains and it was all covered with green. It was nice to see grass again and
feel it beneath my feet. Before venturing into the wilderness (not that there
was a jungle, though), I took my fish, hoping I would find something to open it
with other than my bare hands.
I walked further into the island and
I saw it. A house etched into the wall of the mount.
I stood there in awe, not able to
believe what I was seeing. I felt a knot in my throat which made it harder to swallow,
tears in my eyes and my heart racing as it had been when I was assaulted by the
whales. Except this time I could run. And I did.
It was a small house, with a
staircase that led to its door. The walls (yes, walls, made of concrete) were
painted and earthy red, like clay; it had 3 windows, blocked by heavy curtains.
And a button on the side of the door which I assumed to be the doorbell.
Naturally, I rang it.
It was answered almost instantly. As
if I had been expected, which was unimaginable at the moment. As the door swung
open, it revealed a young man, probably in his mid-thirties, messy, short black
hair; delicate features; I would dare to say of Asian descent. He was wearing a
short sleeved shirt and khaki shorts. I looked into his eyes, with tears in
mine and hands outstretched.
“Help me”, I muttered.
And then, I collapsed.
The man half carried me, half led me
into his house and sat me on his couch. He didn’t ask any questions, which I
took for courtesy at the time, given how upset I was and how much of a disaster
I must have looked like.
His house was small; the living room was just
a couch and a small coffee table, covered with everyday stuff like a box of
tissue, a bottle of Pepto Bismol, some chocolate and some pens. There were
books on the floor and some others stacked up against the wall.
“Is there someone you want me to
call?”, the man asked politely.
Out of force of habit, I reached for
my non-existent phone in the pocket of my jeans. Thanks to the cellphone age, I
did not know even one number from memory. I had never felt so lost before. I
had finally found another human being; more than that, he was willing to help
me. I requested help. I just didn’t know what that would be.
“I- I don’t know what number to
call”, I stuttered. I was still inches from losing my mind.
I started crying, overcome with
impotence and despair. My sobs became violent and my hands couldn’t seem to
contain the tears pouring out of me. I was shivering and hurting all over. My
vision was blurred and my hearing impaired. It was like being in the ocean all
over again, unable to reach the surface.
“I- I will—ca—call--- 911”, I
managed through sobs. Then I turned to him, “they- do you think they will be
able to help me ?”
The man looked at me, puzzled and,
somehow, serene. But saying nothing.
I rummaged through my brain looking
for an answer. A way to help myself so this other person could help me. I used
to be smart. I used to be brilliant. I made it through very rough times; I
braved poverty and loneliness, I survived being stranded in the middle of the
sea and attacked by monstruous creatures.
And yet, there I sat. Still
helpless. Still vulnerable.
Finally, I remembered the existence
of the internet. No matter where you were, you were connected to the world. I asked if he had a computer I could
borrow. He promptly went into his bedroom and came back with a black laptop. An
unusually familiar laptop. He set it before me and sat back
down, seemingly patient and just observing me. His face, expressionless. I turned my attention back to the
computer, opened it and immediately looked at the date: January 4th.
“January 4th”, I
whispered. As if hearing the date out loud would make it suddenly transform
into an answer, a key to my situation. It didn’t.
How long had I been drifting in the
ocean? I had always thought it was March. March 8th, to be more
precise. Did this mean it had been a year? Or did I get the month wrong? It
couldn’t have been a year, I could barely remember last week! I opened the
calendar to see what year we were in. But it didn’t help. I could not remember
what year that ‘March 8th’ of my memory was.
I brought my eyes up to look at the
man again. He was just sitting there. Motionless. Staring at me. Showing no
emotion at all. In any other circumstances, I would have found it suspicious.
Presently, I had other matters to see to. More urgent, I thought.
I opened the web browser and went to
a website to find my location. When the map came up, it made no sense. It was
showing a route but the countries had no names. I recognized the shapes but
could not name them to save my life. I
was always terrible at geography, I thought, but to not be able to name the countries? What is happening to me? Is
it the shock still?
I followed the route which went from
a country south of South America, making a few twists in the ocean, all the way
up to the United States. But, where am I?,
I wondered, getting more anxious by the minute. Where is this place?
As I frantically searched the screen
and my brain for answers, I did not notice that the man was no longer sitting
across from me. It was as if all my eyes could see was the screen before me.
E-mail!
Of course!, a voice inside me yelled, I
remember that and I’m sure I can contact my family or my friends or… My lover.
I opened a new window and my fingers
couldn’t seem to type the address fast enough. I rushed so much I entered the
wrong password a couple of times before I realized I had also typed my own
email address wrong.
After it had all been corrected, it
logged into my account. I expected to find dozens of unread messages, perhaps
even some asking me where I was. But there were only 5 unread messages, mostly
spam. If I had taken a second to look, if I had been just a tiny bit more calm,
I might have realized that the last email was received on March 8th.
I didn’t.
I clicked on the button to compose a
new email and was instantly brought to that familiar screen. My memory was
still foggy and my hands were trembling, but I remembered the name of the one I
still missed the most. And I knew I didn’t even need it, just typing the first
letter would be enough for the email to complete the address and the name.
I typed ‘S’ and both the address and
the name popped up instantly. I was so grateful to see it. I could only hope
that, somehow, I would be saved. That this nightmare would be brought to an
end. In fact, just this image before me brought the illusion of connection, of
knowing that I was not crazy and there was a life that had escaped me somehow –
but I could get back to.
I started the message, typing as if
in panic. The rest of the world momentarily, unfortunately, blocked from my
vision as I concentrated on the words and the hope they brought.
Memories came rushing back. Before
this, I was in a place covered by snow, in an apartment with a cat. I sat by my
lover’s side as we both read on our e-book devices and dreamt of our upcoming
move to my home country. I had forgotten my mother’s birthday and we had vowed
to take her out to dinner when we arrived, and I had even suggested taking her
to the theater to see a play I knew they would both love. I remembered cooking
a delicious and rather unhealthy meal that satisfied me and left me lying
lazily on the couch, watching a tv drama. I was overcome by the memories of the
future I hoped for, the past that had created me and the present I was learning
to live.
I finished the message. All that it
needed was for me to copy the link to my location so the connection to my old
life was complete.
The message read:
My
love, I am sorry for my absence. I do not know how long it has been or what
happened. I am lost. I was stranded on a boat. I spent days, maybe months,
trying to survive. If it has been that long, I wonder if you may think I am
dead. You might have moved on. There will be time to talk and mend what can be
mended. At the moment, I only hope you can remember who I am. Because I don’t.
But I remember you and I need your help.
Here
is a link to my location according to the online maps:
I
don’t know where this is. Please contact the authorities and give them my
information and a picture of me so they can find me. So they can bring me back
to my life. So they can rescue me from this nightmare.
I
love you and long to see you again. Please, rescue me.
All
that was left was for me to sign it. That and the link to the maps of where I
was. It should have taken a minute. Maybe even less. The message would have
travelled through cyber space and reached whichever side of the world it had
to. And I would have been rescued.
I would have gone back to the snowy
place. Travelled back to my home country. Taken my mother out to dinner and
made up for forgetting her birthday. I would have been with my lover and lived
much more pleasant adventures.
It would have taken a minute. Maybe
even less.
-By James Lobo
