Bearing the boredom - bars aren't what they used to be!

See this picture? With the three bears standing there looking lost, with nowhere to go? Well, that was us yesterday. Since my birthday is coming up, my bear, one of my best friends and I decided to go out somewhere fun... Oddly enough, we ended up standing on a sidewalk being approached by strange prostitutes, pimps, indescribable creatures of the night (not the kind you'd like to be touch-a-touch-a-touch-a-touched by!) for like 30 minutes before we decided to give up.

First of all, I must admit it was partly my fault since I wanted to stay somewhere close enough to walk back home; lately I have been kind of paranoid about taking a taxi home too late at night. Plus, we live like 10 minutes away from the 'gay' neighbourhood which is supposed to be full of... well... gayness!

Anyway, we decided we did not want to go to the bear bar because we are kind of fed up with it - (in our opinion) the DJ is terrible and it is just a bunch of hairless bears posing to see who's the biggest diva (no pun intended) - and started walking by the other gay clubs in the area. Now it might just be me getting older, but I swear those twinks are just waaaaay too young! Most of them drunk, smoking (not sure what) and with looks that I just couldn't understand - one had blue and pink cotton candy coloured hair, and it did NOT look good on him! We, then, proceeded to check the more 'classy' bars, but they were almost completely empty. So, long story short, we ended up going to the bear bar...

As expected, the music was only so-so most of the time. My friend was approached by a rather hot bear, but the latter disappeared shortly after (not sure why). Before being bored to death, we decided to go somewhere else... And we started walking around... ... ... ... ... ... Until we ended up just as described above.

I think it's pretty odd that we couldn't find a place to have fun the whole night... But, as we were coming home, I was thinking that the 'fun' places I used to go 3 or 4 years ago are closed today and I don't really know many of the new ones - to which I must add that the crowds I have seen in most of them are less than encouraging.

I mean, it's fine since we mostly have get-togethers at home but I wonder if there really isn't a fun place to go around here that doesn't require us to be drunk out of our senses to enjoy!

What kind of places do you like to go to?

Polyamory - and some thoughts on the evolution of relationships.

First of all, I do not mean evolution as in 'getting better'; this term refers to things changing over time - I don't really care for the concepts of 'good' and 'bad'. I should also clarify that the difference between polyamory and cheating is that, in the former, all the participants are informed and agree to the interaction; while in the latter, this does not happen and it is more a matter of one person having two lovers.

So, now that that has been settled. This semester I will carry out an investigation on the topic of polyamorous relationships and the interaction between its members...

When I brought the subject up in class the teacher said she thinks that for someone to be able to be part of this kind of relationships, they should have no jealous feelings whatsoever - I believe it is the other way around. In my point of view, being in an 'open' relationship requires commitment from both parts and, yes, trust - you still have a contract in which the couple agrees to a concept of 'fidelity' which they should both mind.

While this can be a very controversial issue on many levels, I believe it is no more than the natural course of events in human development... What do I mean? Well, some time ago, during a round table with experts on sexuality in which the students were allowed to participate, I asked them what they thought about this matter; one of them gave me a most interesting answer. He said that the idea we have of 'marriage for love' is indeed pretty new, around a hundred years old; it is a concept that has been on trial and has given both benefitial and, at times, troublesome results - nevertheless, it has been part of our daily lives. In fact, the problem lies in the idea most of us have been taught about 'marriage' being the oldest thing in the world; while it is true that it has been around for the longest time, the reasons for it have been changing depending on the historical context in which it was set - for example, marriage was used mostly to keep control of the land and who was to inherit it (if they had not had a contract of sexual exclusivity with their wives, they would have had no way to know if it was really their son being manufactured in her uterus...).

I believe everything is fair as long as all the people involved, be it 2 or 20, are informed and participate willingly; I think it is way more honest than some people who swear they will be 'faithful' (in the traditional sense) not because they believe in the concept but to appease those around him and to fit in a society which is changing anyway.

What is your opinion in this topic? Do you think it is just a way for people to get out of committing to one person or is it a new way to experiment relationships which will eventually lead to other options?

By the way, I am looking for polyamorous couples to interview for my research, if you are interested in participating (the information is completely anonymous) let me know!

Gay Activism in Mexico - Why I think it doesn't work.

Ah, we are well in 2011 already! Time went by quite quickly and I took a break from everything but eating all I could... Including updating the blog! But here I am again, ready to post my point of view about the bear community in Mexico -- or rather, about the gay community in general.

Last semester I was involved in trying to start a diversity-related group at the University I attend to... However, it never really took off and we ended up not doing anything in the end. Later, somebody asked me why, if I am so interested in gender equality and the gay community, I am not involved with gay activism in the city? And my answer was pretty simple: I don't really think it works. 

Part of the study I carried out last year about the sense of belonging in the gay bear community proved that quite clearly: One of the items in the questionnaire was whether they felt there is a sense of 'community' among the gay people in the city -most people answered no, but they wish there was-; however, when asked if they were part of any movement or group they also gave a negative answer. I find this quite contradictory, if we want this feeling of community to exist, why aren't we doing something about it? I'm sure there are plenty of excuses like "I have too much work" or "I don't know of any"... But how valid are they?

I have always complained about my idea that the issue with the Mexican mindset is that we tend to wait for 'someone else' to do something - most Mexicans are not really proactive. I, of course, am included in that group.

So, I started considering what I could do about it; I remembered the many places I've been to trying to get involved in movements, but I have usually found that the objectives and/or plans are lacking or, rather, empty. I don't think I have found any place where people really gather to become a group with strong bonds capable of doing something to help the community.

A few months ago, some friends and I were discussing this issue and many ideas came up, including organising lectures (most of us being academic) and discussion groups to raise awareness about current issues... I proposed we needed to strengthen the bonds between us before starting a task like that...

In the past, I have seen that very good projects have failed because the members of the group aren't really working together towards the same goal - everybody seems to be trying to take advantage of their teammates in order to reach a different, personal goal; also, when problems arise between members (which most likely will, considering we are talking about people who spend a lot of time together), they are not managed properly and end up destroying the group from the inside. 

In my opinion, I think the group we were trying to start at the University imploded for that reason; although we didin't really have any conflicts among us, we seemed to all be looking for something different and could not come to a compromise.

I am not a very sociable person and usually keep to myself, which means I don't interact with that many people. I think this year I will try to expand my social circle in hopes of starting something that can make a difference, if not for the entire gay community in my city, at least for those involved in it. 

Do you know or are you involved in any movement or group which helps the members of the gay community have this feeling of  'belonging'?