Faithful

"You're faithful because you want to be, not because the other person is going to, necessarily. I mean, in the end, if your partner cheats on you and you don't, it's pretty much on yourself and has nothing to do with him - you chose to act in a certain way because you wanted to". Or so my therapist said.

This is a very interesting approach to monogamy. I've heard, and perhaps I myself have considered, that one is faithful because 'you wouldn't want your partner to do that to you', right? But this brings you to a most difficult issue: does this mean that you would cheat in case your partner did it too?

Recently I read that 'commitment' is the state in which the person goes from a passive to an active role in a relationship, thus promoting the development and stability of it. Therefore, it means that people who are committed to a relationship need to take action to make it last and stay strong. It's not just about letting things happen, it's taking things into your hands and doing whatever you can to build a strong foundation for the relationship to survive whatever comes its way.

I believe, also, that being 'faithful' means different things to everyone, and a key factor for a relationship to work out is for both parties to agree in such concepts.  When both parts are playing the game with the same 'rules', it is harder for it to present any issues which could later hinder the relationship and bring about dreadful misunderstandings

In other words, if you think that cheating on your partner is reduced exclusively to the main standard of monogamy, you need to let them know so! What if they're not so much into sex but rather the emotional quality of the relationship? Or viceversa? Sometimes we think it is 'obvious', but it really is not.

Sex is really easy to get, so much that its value has gone down quite drastically. But what about love? What about intimacy and affection? It's true that you can just sleep with the first guy you meet on the street... And yet, I believe that when you are aware of what you want, it does not matter how hot or charming the new person might be, the love you have for your partner goes way beyond that.

Polyamory - and some thoughts on the evolution of relationships.

First of all, I do not mean evolution as in 'getting better'; this term refers to things changing over time - I don't really care for the concepts of 'good' and 'bad'. I should also clarify that the difference between polyamory and cheating is that, in the former, all the participants are informed and agree to the interaction; while in the latter, this does not happen and it is more a matter of one person having two lovers.

So, now that that has been settled. This semester I will carry out an investigation on the topic of polyamorous relationships and the interaction between its members...

When I brought the subject up in class the teacher said she thinks that for someone to be able to be part of this kind of relationships, they should have no jealous feelings whatsoever - I believe it is the other way around. In my point of view, being in an 'open' relationship requires commitment from both parts and, yes, trust - you still have a contract in which the couple agrees to a concept of 'fidelity' which they should both mind.

While this can be a very controversial issue on many levels, I believe it is no more than the natural course of events in human development... What do I mean? Well, some time ago, during a round table with experts on sexuality in which the students were allowed to participate, I asked them what they thought about this matter; one of them gave me a most interesting answer. He said that the idea we have of 'marriage for love' is indeed pretty new, around a hundred years old; it is a concept that has been on trial and has given both benefitial and, at times, troublesome results - nevertheless, it has been part of our daily lives. In fact, the problem lies in the idea most of us have been taught about 'marriage' being the oldest thing in the world; while it is true that it has been around for the longest time, the reasons for it have been changing depending on the historical context in which it was set - for example, marriage was used mostly to keep control of the land and who was to inherit it (if they had not had a contract of sexual exclusivity with their wives, they would have had no way to know if it was really their son being manufactured in her uterus...).

I believe everything is fair as long as all the people involved, be it 2 or 20, are informed and participate willingly; I think it is way more honest than some people who swear they will be 'faithful' (in the traditional sense) not because they believe in the concept but to appease those around him and to fit in a society which is changing anyway.

What is your opinion in this topic? Do you think it is just a way for people to get out of committing to one person or is it a new way to experiment relationships which will eventually lead to other options?

By the way, I am looking for polyamorous couples to interview for my research, if you are interested in participating (the information is completely anonymous) let me know!