I was watching the trailer for this new film "BearCity" on YouTube (which I don't have yet... But would make a great Xmas gift [hint, hint! LOL]) and a phrase one of the main characters says caught my attention: "admitting I like bears was like coming out of the closet all over again" (or something along those lines.
This made me think about the first few times I told my friends about the kind of men I like... Their reaction was usually to frown and call me crazy since "I should be going after 'cuter' types". I guess, because I am young and lean, people expect me to be chasing after guys who work out and wear all kinds of fashionable crap...
This had me feeling uncomfortable for the longest time - I felt ashamed to tell anyone when I liked some big bear walking down the street. When I started dating my first real bear (at about 19) my friends and acquaintances would constantly ask me why I was dating someone that much older than me (he was 40 at the time) and, as they put it, fat. They all liked him and got along quite well with him, but that did not stop them from pointing me in the direction of younger, more stereotypical-gay types...Whenever I met someone and told them I had a boyfriend, they would be utterly surprised upon meeting him since they expected something completely different.
I have always been into daddy-type bears... Which has not been good for my social image... As I might have mentioned in a previous entry, most people assume you are a hustler if you are with a daddy bear... When people asked me whether that was true, I always said "I wish! Then I wouldn't be killing myself working all day to pay my tuition!!" The truth is that I have always been very independent and these comments were very annoying...
In the beginning, I must admit these social influences DID affect me and made me feel sort of guilty (or embarassed) about my taste; I kept wondering whether I should try going out with younger types to -- please everyone else?? And that's when it hit me... The guy who is living with the daddy bear is ME and I am the one who should like him! So, now I am happy with my current bear!
The process, however, did feel like coming out of the closet again. I started telling my friends "I like daddy bears" and they would answer "yeah, I know... So sorry!"; what is more, I had to find a way to be comfortable enough with myself to be able to ignore all the crap that comes my way because of it!
One thing I am sure of: there is no way to please everyone and the bear community in Mexico is so small that everybody knows each other (and, thus, everybody knows who is going out with whom).
Interestingly enough, after I did this one of my friends who used to criticise my taste all the time ended up dating bears... And some daddy bears on top of that! Perhaps it just takes some courage from someone else to point you in the right direction? HeheheheHave you ever had second thoughts about who you are dating because of what people expect of you?
I'm 24. Ive dated all types of guys. Age is a number, size is nitpicking. Ive dated guys all the way up to 46 (current bf is 26 though). Having no expectations open up a huge world of awesome, even if things in life wind up temporary you gain alot from them. I think clubs and gay movies ingrain in people the need for false images and beauty and....lables. We are all human, love is love. Stop judging and love damnit! - Woofers
ReplyDeleteI had never realised we're the same age, hahahaha. I agree... I think it's interesting how most of the people in the gay world try to be different from heterosexual stereotypes but end up creating equivalent ones...
ReplyDeleteI agree, its kinda why i hate titles like: queen, bear, otter, wolf ETC. We segregate ourselves just as much as the heteros do for us.......people are people not silly animal names....
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