Masculinity (part 1) - it takes a real man to take it like a man...

The Greeks didn't seem to have a problem with this...

Was the title too rough? Perhaps... But it got you here, didn't it?

This is the first of many entries in which I will be discussing this topic. Why? Initially, the blog was inspired by a project on the sense of community, cohesion and discrimination among bears and gay men in general; therefore, it took me along many roads including, of course, gender studies. One of the most interesting concepts I was able to study was the social construction of gender and, more especifically, how it affects interaction between men.

Bored yet? Don't worry, I'm not going to go all academic on you, it's not really the point... At least, I'll try not to!

I came across a book in which they mention that, socially, to become a man one must successfully face three basic "battles": Not be a woman, not be a boy and not be a homosexual.

As a gay man, I understand that to shape my identity I, of course, chose to embrace that last concept rather than fight it; but what about the other two? These elements come from the idea that the way we build the concept of masculinity comes from being the opposite of feminine... What is more, we tend to believe that those things which are masculine are not only superior to feminine, but as the ONLY possible way for us to behave.

What does this have to do with the bear community, you say? Well, I believe that one of the many issues we have is that one way to define a bear is "someone with a masculine appearence". I have seen this many times in profiles "looking for a masculine guy", "not feminine guys, please". When we can't even define the concept of masculinity to start with!

I am a good example of this issue, I have always tried not to "look too gay" - by which I mean not wear bright colours (or shiny stuff) or be too flamboyant. However, what I think that really means is that I'm trying not to be 'a woman', or rather not fall into the stereotype of 'feminine'. Now, this poses a big problem in a relationship between two men. Qualities usually related to women such as being romantic, sensitive, a good listener and, in general, being receptive become stigmatised and are rejected... We (yes, myself included) have a very vague idea of the feminine side of human beings; we tend to associate that word with women and we don't even realise that THAT itself is only a social imposition. As homosexuals who have had to battle our way through society's 'rules', I think we have no excuse to ignore concepts as important as these. Aren't we supposed to be supporting a DIVERSITY? Isn't it true that gay men pride themselves in the fact that we have overcome social stereotypes and 'come out of the closet' to be ourselves?

I think not. I think we are just as chained to these gender-exclusive prisons which prevent us from enjoying our sexuality (which, by the way, is more than just intercourse and includes our interaction with others in many levels) and, in short, our lives.

In the next 'Masculinity' entry I will explain some points of view which describe those traits we reject and how this could be avoided; also, my very own proposition of a new masculinity.

So, are you man enough to take it like a man?