A wolf among... Women!?!?

As I go through my break-up saga, I found myself today in a very unusual situation - surrounded by women.
Let me explain, for some reason, all my friends are men (and mostly bears, at that) and I hardly hang out with any women at all! But today, while in class, my teacher and one of my classmates enquired about the origin and development of my situation; this went from me talking about my predicament of where to live to our teacher sharing her own story of love and drama.
While this was going on, I came to a shocking discovery (at least to me!). I have always taken pride in being a good listener (in the end, it's part of both my jobs) but I had never thought about the fact that I'm not a very good talker.
My own part in the discussion was quite brief but this was in no way their fault; I realised that I am quite practical and go straight to the point, trying to make things as concise as possible - which would be all nice and well except that I am not discussing what I might have for lunch! I realised that women actually listen and are interested in knowing how you FEEL.
I came to the astonishing conclusion that, among my friends, we do talk about how we feel for like 10 minutes and then we get down to the practical part of the issue... I am so not used to talking about being angry and all that crap - which does not mean I don't need it!
I guess I have underestimated the value of a friendship with a girl. Odd, huh?
Also, in Mexico we don't normally have fag hags... At least not as much as in other countries. But that will be a topic for some other post!

Chemical Heartbreak - Or why the F*** won't it stop hurting?

Have you ever felt like those scientists researching black holes should be looking inside your chest to take some samples? Or that odd feeling like you cannot breathe or you are just not breathing enough? Yep, I have felt all that too. In fact, I am going through it right now! Which, of course, prompted me to do some research on the topic.

Now, I am a very rational person and, to my mind, I should be able to modulate or help ease the pain of breaking up; I mean, it's not like I lost the person or anything like that - and it is certainly not like I'm sick! ... ... ... Or is it?

It is true that there are many neurotransmitters that are affected by this sudden change in one's world (thought it's rarely THAT sudden... But I'll get to that on some other post), but I have found something called 'Takotsubo (octopus vase) Cardiomyopathy' or "Broken Heart Syndrome" (and yes, it is a picture of a woman, but just imagine it has no breasts and something extra... Unless, of course, you are a woman, in which case... Well... You get the point). Sure, this is a whole other level of heartbreak - it can even kill you. And it IS more related to the acute stress felt by emotional issues... But still, it made me think about how our body resents the blow of losing someone you love.

A friend of mine once asked me if I knew why we felt pain in our hearts when we had problems related to love or emotions in general... Then he explained (of course I had no idea and he just wanted to show off, but still I liked what he said) that he thinks it is because the ache we feel is really strong... And if we were to feel it in our brain (also, this is stupid since the brain has no pain receptors, but let me finish with what he said) and hurt it, we could not recover from it; a stroke is way more damaging than a heart attack (he said).

Whether this is what God or whoever was thinking when he decided to give us this treat, I have no idea; what I do know is that it freakin' sucks!

It also lets me know that there is, indeed, very little one can do to avoid or speed up the process of healing a broken heart. Meditation has worked for me lately... WHILE I am meditating, later it just comes back. 

I think that there is no way to end a relationship so it doesn't hurt - no matter if it was a 'nice' break up where both parties agreed and stayed amicable  or if it was a scream-and-tear-your-clothes kind of break up... There is nothing to help it but time. 

Breaking up versus tearing each other apart.

Hey guys. Well, here I am. Single now. Ever been there? Yeah, it sucks... And yet, I've had it way worse.

So, I've been living with my boy- Ugh, I guess it's 'ex-boyfriend' now - for about a year and a half, almost two years. Still, over the past few weeks we realised that we were slowly detaching... We have crazy work schedules and many other factors which I will NOT discuss here. 

I was expecting a big drama (and we did have it, I cried like a little baby for a couple of days) and today we finally broke up. Funny thing was, we are still living together. I know what you're thinking: "What? Are you insane?" And I might just be.

We decided that we could... What's the word... Salvage the good things about 'us'. We were talking and we agreed that just suddenly disappearing from each other's lives was too much... And, perhaps, unnecessary - So, I moved to the other room we have.

I understand the consequences this might have... Both positive or negative. But isn't it insane that most people, or at least I do, think that breaking up ALWAYS has to mean to literally rip that person off your heart? I mean, it is true that it's difficult to go from one kind of relationship to another but I think that if two people really love each other, neither wants the other to get hurt!

I believe that people can create their own version of whatever they have to live - we are so used to seeing TV drama-like break ups that anything else seems impossible and unthinkable.

I do not claim that this will be a successful plan, but I think it is worth a try. If it works, I'll not have lost a lover, I'll have won a great friend... If it doesn't work, well it was going to end up like that anyway, so I'm willing to take the chance.

What do you think? Have you ever tried any alternative breaking up methods?

Before cooking the perfect relationship, don't you have to know what your favourite ingredients are first?

Wow, it has been A WHILE since I last wrote something on here, huh? Glad to see you guys are still checking it out every now and then!

Now, on to today's topic...

I've been carrying out an investigation on polyamorous relationships and I have found out some very interesting things... And, although I will not post them here until I am finished, I have come across some ideas that have definitely got me thinking.

When I was little, I, perhaps as many of us have, dreamt of a romantic disney-movie-like love story; of course, as I grew a bit older, it got a bit more explicit, no longer PG-13... But still with the same ending! A life with someone special I'd love more than anything in the world, both of us doing what we love and earning enough to have a place to live and enjoy our lives. Perhaps, some time later, we'd adopt a child and raise him or her into an amazing person... But, what happens when the fairy tale doesn't quite work out? Worse still... What happens when you realise that this fairy tale is not the ONLY possibility?

As I was interviewing one of the participants in the study I mentioned before, I realised that, very often, people like me just accept that we want this or that idea just because that's the way we have been taught all our lives... Like, how can you possibly consider that, say, chocochip cookies might not be your favourite flavour ever when it is the only thing you have eaten all your life?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I want to rush into a non-traditional relationship just because I met a couple of people who have tasted other flavours in the fridge... But, rather, it has got me thinking about how judgmental we (and, by 'we', I mean 'I') can be. When I met one of the participants (about 7 years ago) and he told me of his relationship (where they are a couple who will, every now and then, have a third boyfriend they get emotionally involved with... or perhaps each of them might have a different boyfriend on the side as well), I was beyond shocked! How could that possibly be? Love is ONLY between two people who share absolutely EVERYTHING!! In fact, they are supposed to be SO "meant to be" that there is only ONE person in the WHOLE WORLD that is right! Oh, but that's fine, they'll break up and have so many issues they'll surely regret it! ... ... ... Or at least that's the way I thought before. Today, they have been together for 10+ years and are happy as can be, sharing a life and planning a future that fulfills them both.

Does this mean I want to do it too? Not really. To me this only means that having a relationship with someone is like cooking your favourite dish (not that I do it that often, but it's the first example I could think of... Perhaps I'm hungry?), someone gives you the recipe the first time but, when you taste it, it is rarely as good as you wish it were... At that point you have two options: you either stick to that recipe or take a chance and modify it. The latter will certainly disappoint you a few times, it might even make you sick or blow up your kitchen... But when you find it, the moment you know which ingredients make your favourite dish perfect... Well, I guess it's all worth it!

Is that the happy ending we were all hoping for? Perhaps... Of course, eating the same dish might get boring with time... And, when that happens, you just need to modify the recipe again!