I know, it took forever! But here's the second part of the story...
So, the music was playing, people were dancing the night away and I was pondering what to do next... When my cousin came back to the table I asked her to dance with me and my companion to dance with my mother; as we were dancing, both my mother and cousin asked me why I wasn't dancing with my 'date'. "Because it's not MY WEDDING!" I snapped back at them... They looked at each other, puzzled, and answered "so?". Then my cousin had an idea, she said "I'll just ask the people at our table to get up and dance and we'll make a circle, will that make you less nervous?" I said yes and she proceeded to carry out the plan.
It was fun and interesting, the DJ was playing nice upbeat music and we were having a great time; we were soon joined by the newlyweds and some other family members... A few songs later, the group got sort of separated, my companion and I were left dancing next to each other (technically not with each other) close to the center of the dance floor when it happened. The DJ decided to switch from dancey-club music to salsa - which set me in a decisive moment: go back to the table or take a chance and dance with him.
We both stopped on our tracks and looked at each other with a what-do-we-do look; for a second I felt terrified, with an urge to run away... But I realised it was an excellent opportunity. So, I gave him my hand (remember I can't lead) and he looked at me, baffled, and asked "are you sure??", I shrugged and smiled - so, we started dancing.
I must say, I'm not a great dancer myself, so it added to the awkardness of the situation. As we danced, I looked around a bit and did notice some people staring - so I decided to stop worrying and just enjoy the night.
It was a great feeling... A feeling of achievement... Here I was, making a statement: "This is me". Somebody told me once that it's easier when people know that you're gay since that way you know who's on your side and who isn't. It couldn't have been more true. I expected my uncle (the one who got married) to say something or give me a hard time about it... But he didn't. In fact, he even asked me to sing them a song as a wedding present - which made me feel he was completely comfortable with the whole situation. Another uncle, who I hadn't told since he's kind of cheuvanistic, came up to me before he left to say goodbye, hugged me unusually tight and said to my cub companion: "it was nice meeting you, hope to see you again soon" and hugged him - I was completely in awe.
Of course, there were others who hardly even looked at me the rest of the night but, to be honest, it didn't bother me. I was so happy to see that those I actually care about were so accepting.
The rest of the evening went by quite smoothly. At the table I felt free to hug the cub I was with and just be myself.
At the end of the night, the cousin who convinced and helped me to take the leap of dancing with a man in a non-gay setting asked me how I felt, when I said I was actually quite happy she said "See? It's just your paranoia, nothing happened!" I hugged her and thanked her for her help... But she was wrong... Something did happen. Somehow, doing that helped me not only feel more comfortable with who I am, but also realise how important it is to take a stand. I wouldn't say I am a stereotypical gay man so I believe this helps break some misconceptions people have about gay people... I mean, the guy I was dancing with is unusually tall and has a full beard - I know most of the people in that hall thought gay men were all queeny and feminine.
This was hard and it took time for me to have the courage to do it, but I believe that if more people dare to be themselves no matter where they are, it will make it easier for those who come after us...
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