A couple of years ago, I went to the wedding of a friend's friend... At this event, we (the 'gays') were asked to be 'discrete', which wasn't difficult since we were not with our respective partners and we simply had to sit, watch, eat and wait it out. However, there was this other gay couple, a friend of the bride's, who had a few too many drinks... Now, I don't mean to sound classist but it is relevant to say it was in a sort of poor neighborhood with very conservative people. Anyway, at one point this couple of boys started arguing about something we couldn't quite make out, until one of them tried to storm out of the wedding; it was then that it happened. As he was stomping his way through the dance floor, his boyfriend caught up with him and they exchanged a few words... Then they started dancing together. I was quite surprised by this development and, sadly, not a half hour after this, everybody left, offended and indignant... I must say it was rather tragic to see the bride crying and the two boys apologizing for what had happened.
This memory came back to me last Friday since I was invited to my uncle's wedding... I found myself not wanting to go and I couldn't figure out why. This uncle knows I am gay and has met (and actually hired) my ex-boyfriend; he has told me he doesn't completely understand but that he loves me and accepts who I am. Nevertheless, this was a Catholic wedding in a church and my whole family (most of whom I hardly ever talk to and I am only out officially to three people out of, like, 30) was invited. As uneasy as I felt, I decided that I was being silly and went. The invitation was, originally, for my ex and I but, since we broke up, I ended up taking a friend (guy) of mine as my 'date'.
When we arrived at the place (a very fancy hall downtown) it hit me: I was the only (out) gay man among 300 people... Or rather 150 straight couples. I felt so out of place and... Odd... I am a very affectionate person and in this setting I felt limited.
The evening went okay until the dancing began; I have the disadvantage that most of my boyfriends have been taller than me and, therefore, I have only been led while dancing; I don't know how to dance with a girl! The guy I went with is an amazing dancer and I hated having both of us staring at the people having a good time. My cousin saw me and asked me why we didn't get up and dance; after giving her a disapproving glance I said "yeah, and freak out the family and have them shun me out completely?". She scoffed at me and pranced off to the dance floor with her boyfriend...
As I watched them go, a video I had seen earlier just flashed before my eyes... I realized that, while I might have been the only gay man out at the wedding, it didn't necessarily mean there weren't any others feeling the same way... Also, I thought about how different my life would have been 10 years ago if I had seen two men dancing at a public event... It would have filled me with hope and pride - whether I would have joined them or not...
Here is the video I was talking about... I will write the second part of my experience on my next entry... But tell me, what are your thoughts on this topic? Have you ever felt like this? If so, did you do or did you want to do something about it?
well sometimes I do feel strangly alone in this heterosexual world, i know how u feel and u describe it so well....... the issue is respect from ur fellow man without thinking of sexuality...
ReplyDeletesometimes You/I feel sort of accepted but still not accepted.....
The only thing I can do is to be myselves and if someone cant accept that its not my problem, when I accept someone i want the same accept/respect back, if not I wont have them close to my life....