Sitting on the stage of the bar (since there was no show going at the moment) my jaw dropped as I saw my ex-partner walk by through the sea of people...
Why was I so shocked? Well, this was my first serious boyfriend; we were together for about four and a half years (in total) and lived together for almost two... We had a great relationship and I have always remembered him as the man that made me feel loved and safe. He had this way of hugging me and saying "it'll be all right" that always made me believe it actually would.
So, I had thought of contacting him for the past three years, to see how he was - I guess, in a way, I wanted to salvage some of that relationship I remembered we had... I did text him a couple of times on his birthday and Christmas but, of course, I got no reply.
Anyway, tonight, as I walked towards him I realised that he looked quite different from what I remembered... And yet, he was the exact same person. When he looked at me, his eyes opened wide and he had this look as if he had seen a ghost or something... I said, "hey! how have you been?" and offered my hand as a greeting; he hardly moved, said "fine" and just stared at me. I got the message and walked away... I must say I was shocked and rather confused... I mean, it has been three years! A bit later he walked towards the exit and stood there - when I was on my way out, he gave me an angry look and turned his back to me. So much for the man I remembered!
However, I kind of understand. It can't have been easy for him (I know it wasn't for me); I just figured that what we had could probably evolve into something else. I must admit I still miss him from time to time... Or at least I did. I guess today I can finally move on, knowing that we will probably never talk again.
A friend told me, not long ago, that we have 'memory so we can have flowers in winter'... And I guess that's the way it should be. The memories of what we had will forever stay in my mind, and some of them actually help me go on when I am in a pinch.
I know every break up is different. Still, I can't stop thinking of that song "Rewriting History" everytime I think of him... Or rather, I couldn't - today I think that has finally become another chapter in my life.. A chapter that I will cherish as a memory and will not chase or try to bring back anymore.
What do you think? Is it easy for you to stay friends with someone you were romantically involved with?
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