Rings, proposals and roles.

The Claddagh ring is my lucky charm.
The other my 'commitment' ring.

"So, I've been wondering," my boss said to me as he inspected my ring, "how does... how does it work with you guys? I mean, normally the guy proposes to the girl, but in your case there is no girl". At that moment, I actually found myself puzzling over this question, not being exactly in that situation. After thinking about it for a bit I could only answer "I guess it depends on the case!". 

There is someone at work who is waiting for his boyfriend to propose to him since they have talked about marriage (they have a long distance relationship and this way he would get residency in that country); he was present at the time and my boss looked at him and said "well, in your case it is pretty obvious he is proposing to you!"

While it was a funny comment and we all agreed, he might have actually be onto something. There are some couples in which the traditional gender-based roles are very entrenched. Just to clarify, gender roles are social constructs of what is 'masculine' and 'feminine'; while these two words are normally associated with male and female sex accordingly, they are not synonyms or necessarily fixed. A masculine woman is not, by definition, a butch woman who looks like she drives a big truck (the same goes for feminine men) - the concept is much wider than that. A man who stays at home and takes care of the children, a woman who pursues an engineering-related career, a man with an artistic streak - those are examples of characteristics which are not related to their mannerisms or physical appearance.

That being said, some gay couples are comfortable following this model - in which case, the one who takes on the masculine role is very likely to do the 'proposing'. But what about couples where roles are more flexible?

Well, I don't actually know. While the fairy tale idea of the prince getting down on one knee and the Hollywood chick-flick cliché of the jaw-dropping surprise proposal are very appealing, there aren't that many resources that show how 'most people do it'. 

In the end, it all comes down to that, doesn't it? How we have been taught by the media that 'it should be done'... But that does not mean that each couple can come up with their own way, right?