It's all in how you take it... It doesn't have to hurt!

I have heard words like 'faggot' and 'queer' countless times (ironically not usually directed at me, even when walking on the street holding hands with my bear) and I am hardly surprised or offended. In fact, I have come to terms with most terms and have no problems with them.

A long time ago, when my sister was around 13 or 14, she came home crying one day and said she was very angry 'cause in her school someone said I was a homo... I looked her in the eye, smiled and said: "Well, I am. And you have known that for a while too." I will never forget the expression on her face when she realised it was true and said "oh, right!" - she didn't have any more problems since then.

Funny how this works, huh? I think that, although most of these terms are intended as an offense, it depends on how we take them. When someone says stuff like "pillow-biter" or it's opposite, I just think "well, yeah! Sometimes. So?". I can't help but picture myself calling a heterosexual man something like "pussy-lover!" - they would probably smile and say "hell yeah!".

Why can't we be proud of our own sexuality and start learning to accept it ourselves? I think it's quite ironic that we complain about people rejecting and judging us when the real problem is in how we take things... Most gay men know that if it hurts, you're most likely doing it wrong! 

A whole new meaning to "Hanky" Panky - The Hanky code in the leather community

A couple of weeks ago, I was reminded of this topic in one of our parties. See, in Mexico, most 'traditions' related to the bear or leather community are literally non-existent, so I was quite surprised to see that one of our bear friends had a red handkerchief in his right side... Now, in the leather community this would mean he is a fisting bottom... Of course, when we told him, he had absolutely no idea of what it meant and was quite shocked by it - he obviously removed it immediately.

Anyway, the interesting point is how in this country a lot of people may talk about how they are part of this or that group without really even knowing what it is about. I remember when I went to D.C. to visit my current boyfriend, he took me to this leather-store where I saw these little cards with a bunch of colours and what they represented. It went something like this:

Left back pocket - Top

Right back pocket - Bottom

Black - S&M

Red - Fisting

Dark Blue - Anal sex

Light Blue - Oral sex

Yellow - Watersports

Brown - Scat

Green - Hustler*

Orange - Anything, anytime.

Purple - Piercing*

Gray - Bondage

(*I'm not really sure about these ones, I lost my card and I got these from Wikipedia... The others I think are correct, though).

My bear then explained how there were all these codes that people actually used in the community... Then I remembered this very famous bar in Mexico City called "Tom's Leather Bar". Now, this place is probably as hardcore as it gets... And nothing really happens. It's basically a bar (where nobody is wearing leather or anything like it) with a back room where people go to mess around. There is nothing there that even remotely resembles a 'community'.

Now, while I don't actually think I could get into this world, I think it's pretty cool to have this form of communication, it somehow makes it feel more like an actual group in which you can really feel like you belong.

Note: I found a more detailed list here, if you are interested http://www.cuffs.stuorg.iastate.edu/?p=199