One of my friends was telling me the other day about how he wished he could 'meet someone who really understood him and was compatible with him, unlike his current partner'. He has been with his partner for some time now and their relationship doesn't seem to be going all that well...
His comment made me think of that song "According to you" by Orianthi, have you ever listened to it? It's about a girl who is bitching about how her boyfriend thinks she's boring, difficult, stupid, etc.; meanwhile, some other guy thinks she's "beautiful, incredible" and "can't get her out of his head". My first thought when I heard this song was "yeah, because he doesn't live with you, bitch!"
Being a friend is a lot easier than being a partner. In a way, there's a lot less pressure on you. Many people tend to expect way too much out of the person they fall in love with: they want them to be their best friend, their lover, their confidant, their support, their companion, among many other things. And, very often, all these things are expected to happen instantly, as if by magic! Seriously? You meet someone in a bar (or on Grinder or whatever app), you are attracted to them, you spend some time with them and suddenly you are demanding that they be everything you have ever wanted? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
One of the things that I have learned through experience is that, in order for a relationship to succeed, the people involved in it need to branch out their emotional needs; you can't realistically expect one person to satisfy you in every single way (you're welcome to do it, but later don't bitch about how they weren't what you expected). Here's an example:
I am currently in a relationship with a man who doesn't especially like going out; his personality is just more the 'at home' type. Now, while I am not the party animal that can't live without going out every night, I do need to do it every now and then to blow off some steam (I teach 6th grade, so I have a lot of built up frustration and stress). In my past relationships, I would just agree to stay in and then secretly blame my partner for my being bored at home - but whose fault was that? Then I thought "well, I want to be with him and if I go out without him it is just going to push us apart". I lived with this fear/resentment for a while until I realized a very simple truth: I don't need to do everything with my partner. In fact, I need to not do everything with my partner! Such behavior only leads to friends falling out or simply losing touch as you tend to have less and less time and fewer activities to share with your friends.
It's very healthy to go out with your friends and bitch about how your partner is at home being grumpy - very often it will also lead you to realize all the other times he's not and the many ways he makes you happy! Moreover, you take the pressure off so that when you are together you are actually doing things you both enjoy.
I still believe that being in a partnership means considering what will make the other person happy and being able to give in every now and then. And by 'give in' I don't mean reluctantly go somewhere just so you can later use it as a weapon in an argument ("you're exaggerating! I did go with you last week!"); there's very little point in 'giving in' if you're not ready to surrender your pride and open yourself to living the experience.
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