The gap between 'Te amo' and I love you.

For a while I have been thinking about how language plays such an important role in the way people interact. Even among those who speak the same language, some concepts might be understood so differently that it could cause misunderstandings and chaos - so, of course, when two cultures clash it can get a bit complicated.

Specifically, I am interested in how Spanish and English speakers express their affection for each other, the words we use and what they mean.

Here's a scenario I consider rather typical: Two people meet, they talk for a while and one says to the other "I like you". They date for a while, feelings start to get stronger and they feel comfortable saying... What? 'I love you'?

In Spanish we have two different ways of saying 'I love you': "Te quiero" and "Te amo". And this is a BIG difference and kind of a relief since there is something between 'like' and 'love'. For us, 'Te amo', which many might consider closer to 'I love you', means a deep love for someone; something serious and strong. However, "Te quiero" is more like saying 'I want you'... It is still affection but on a different level.

The way I see it is like this, you say "me gustas" when you want to get to know someone; "te quiero" when you feel you want to be closer to that person, you 'want' them by your side, to be yours... I think love transcends that, it is a desire to see the other person happy, to share experiences and be more than what two people are when they're on their own. I don't think 'love' can hurt... Even when two people are apart, love can remain. I think it hurts when you 'want' the other person by your side, when you want them to be yours... Also, if someone said "Te amo" to me after only a few dates, I'd totally run away... LOL

Somehow, I think this can be a problem when two people with different native languages start a relationship. Especially if neither is aware of this cultural difference. Saying 'Te amo' in Spanish, at least for me, requires a lot of time of knowing the other person... And yet, I think I have come to understand 'I love you', in English, more as a 'Te quiero'... I think that, as a native speaker of Spanish, there is no way to express those feelings of love in any other way than saying: Te amo.

The flavor of life (complement)

As a complement to my post earlier, here's a song by my idol... And the lyrics... It was just so perfect for this moment... Hope you enjoy it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ta0vEnki9E
Utada Hikaru
The Flavor of life

Lyrics
(from http://www.kiwi-musume.com/lyrics/hikki/heartstation/flavouroflife.html)
Whenever you tell me thank you 
It's somehow bittersweet 
The spell doesn't break after you say goodbye 
Faintly bitter 
The flavor of life 

We're in the middle, neither friends nor lovers 
Green fruit dreaming of the harvest 

We can't take that one last step 
So it's so irritating or something, baby 

Whenever you tell me thank you 
It's somehow bittersweet 
The spell doesn't break after goodbye 
Faintly bitter 
The flavor of life 

Sweet words of seduction 
Flavorless talk 
That doesn't pique my interest 

Even when things don't go your way 
Life's not a total wash 

"What's up?" you suddenly ask 
No, it's nothing 
My smile disappears after you say goodbye 
It's not like me 

The more I want to believe 
It's somehow bittersweet 
Don't you think "I really like you" 
Suits you better than "I love you"? 
The flavor of life 

I suddenly remember 
The scent of a person I'd almost forgotten 
I want to be able to just sit back and enjoy 
The white snow fall 

I want a warm future 
Softer than a diamond 
I want to spend this limited time we have with you 

Whenever you tell me thank you 
It's somehow bittersweet 
The spell doesn't break after you say goodbye 
Faintly bitter 
The flavor of life 

The flavor of life

Standing at the end of a story that ended too soon - or rather, just when it was meant to.

In the past month I loved, lived, cried, sang, hugged, kissed.. With a passion I hadn't in years. A love meant to end, a relationship that was not to be, and yet it was.

During this time, I also came across many people who did not understand why I would put my heart in a seemingly "pointless relationship" (sic). These people told me that they did not believe in 'Disney' love; love, they said, is a companionship, a relationship through which two people share a common project. And I agree completely.

However, isn't that also a friendship? Or just a partnership? I believe love is made of all these things as well... But, like the Gestalt theory suggests, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Then again, I've heard people say that such feelings (which develop so quickly) can't be 'real love'... That makes me wonder, 'what is REAL love?' Why can't we let ourselves be reckless for a while, allowing a feeling to take us over and show us a whole new world?

I live by the idea that everything in this world has a price, and we need to pay exactly that - no more and no less. I know so many people who say they want to find someone to love and who will love them back, and yet they are not willing to pay the price! I think that the cost of such a relationship is, mainly, getting out of your comfort zone and betting your heart. Actually, once I heard someone say that "to receive a certain amount of happiness, you have to pay with an equal amount of unhappiness" - and while it might sound a bit extreme, I'd say it makes a lot of sense. A connection with someone that makes you smile like never before can, by definition, access that part of you which can make you cry like never before.

And isn't it worth it?

Quoting Rose (from Gypsy) "Some people can get a thrill, knitting sweaters and sitting still; that's peachy for some people who don't know they're alive! But I at least gotta try!".

Love is meant to be felt, not understood. Someone who brings you a feeling of completeness, who makes you smile just by thinking about them, whose goodbye feels like a part of you is being torn... Someone like that... Why let them just pass you by?

Someone asked me some time ago how it was that I had long term relationships and always managed to find someone who wanted that. I think it's because I take the risk; I've seen what loving someone is like.. I've felt what it's like to be loved. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing (and certainly not fear), that could keep me from trying to get that again. It's too precious a feeling to undermine just because it 'might not last'. If the person goes away, if it doesn't work, I'll still have those fond memories with me for as long as I live... And, if you're the kind of person who believes in the afterlife, maybe even after I die.

So, why did I say it was too soon? Because I wish it had lasted forever. Why did I then correct myself and say it was when it was how it was meant to be? Well, what I want is not always what I need, right? The timing was right for the time we had. And, if it really is meant to be, well... The world is not that big anymore... And time goes by quite quickly... Things can happen... And things can change... At their own pace.

This relationship gave me more than I could have asked for and helped me realize that, yes, I can still fall in love. I have no regrets.

Gay Acapulco

Or perhaps not so much... 

In the Summer of 2013, I went to Acapulco with someone and we stayed at a gay resort called Casa Condesa. It was nice enough, even if a little too gay (the sight of a naked guy sprawled next to the pool as you go in kind of caught me off guard). Still, that was not the thing that I found the most disturbing, or the fact that the receptionist guy kept hinting at it 'being okay for us to bring other people into the room', but that we were advised to go to a specific place when going to the beach so we would have 'no problems'.

As it turns out, or at least according to what the people at this resort said, gay men holding hands, kissing or showing 'gay' affection (lol) are arrested and taken away - I doubt it gets serious at all, the 'police' are most likely just looking for some extra cash.

So we went to this place on the coast called "Beto's" and we were told to look for a specific waiter... It felt like we were doing work for the mafia or something! It was a nice enough place, there was a big, tacky family there (which was rather annoying) but eventually we were surrounded by gay people, which made me feel safer.

It's odd how one gets so used to being free and loses sight of how other parts of the world -hell, my own country!- work. Here in Mexico City I am very open about my being gay... I actually don't even think about it anymore. I hold hands with my lover, kiss and hold them as much as I want (of course, within the level of reason and decency); sure, some people stare but I have learned to ignore them.

In the end, in Acapulco, I was a bit careful and decided to play by the rules... While I would normally not let people tell me where I can or cannot show affection to the person I'm with, there was another factor to consider: the insecurity.

Many people think that Mexico City is dangerous and you can get killed, kidnapped or whatever in every corner. This is NOT true. And when I was told that Acapulco was also a dangerous city I took it with a grain of salt... Until Sunday.

So, we took the (uncannily slow) bus to the terminal to get our tickets to come back to the city. As we were going along the coast, we saw a LOT of people standing outside a mall, along with some police cars and many officers. The driver's companion (sometimes random guys hang out with the drivers... It's all very weird) got off to check out what was happening, when he got back on he said "oh, it's just a bomb, but it didn't go off" and they just kept going along as if it were the most common thing in the world. 

I was, of course, shocked. On our way back, we took a taxi and I asked him if he knew what had happened. He said it could've been that they were shooting a soap or something, or perhaps a bomb, which was unlikely since he didn't hear an explosion or anything.

The way this people seemed so use to such an event left me baffled. And it also made me think twice about finding out whether they really were as closed to sexual diversity as they said.