"Till death do us part" he said... But I'm not that patient...!

This is a topic I hadn't thought of until today. I mean, on the one hand it is very common... You know how most things nowadays have to be updated like every other week in order to catch up to our fast-moving lives? I mean, you buy a computer or software and, the second you walk out the store, the new one is already out! However, I had not considered how this can be applied to the very important issue of relationships and commitment.

Last year, while attending a conference on sexuality and gender studies, one of the experts commented that the idea of 'marrying someone for love' is quite new, about 100 years old; before that, people saw it as a way to obtain material gain and/or mantain/improve their social status - it was just a contract. 

And still, today people have this illogical idea that marriage is and always has been based on love, since the dawn of mankind! Absurd!

On the other hand, I must admit that, deep down, I too dream of the fairy tale ending and a 'happily ever after' - mind you, I have come to terms with the idea that it is more important to have a stable life than a wild passionate romance that lasts an eternity... But what does that mean? 

Until like a few hundred years ago people lived to be around 40 or 50 tops... By the time you turned 20 you were already halfway to the other side... But now, if you marry someone when you're, say, 27... You might have to be with them about 60 more years! I really don't think this contract was devised for such circumstances...

One of my teachers was telling me about a theory which says that the new generations will have about 4 stable partners (I won't go into the details of why, of course...): One to experiment and discover what it's like to be with someone; one to have children or create something with; one to have fun in a mature way; and finally, one who you will be with till you're old and die. The interesting thing is not whether this is true or not, but rather how we have no idea what relationships will be like in a few years! I mean, that already sounds to me like you get an iBoyfriend and in a couple of months you either upgrade this one or get a new model altogether! 

This is not necessarily a bad thing, of course. I think it is quite sensible to be able to know whether you are happy with the person you are with and be mature enough to accept that it might end in a different way than the "happily ever after", and act accordingly... While the alternative is staying together forever because divorce equals sin and you'd rather live in hell here but get a wonderful afterlife...

A long time ago I heard a priest say that the whole "till death do us part" had been modified to accommodate the needs of a specific time (when they didn't want people getting divorced) despite the original idea being "till the death of love do us part" or something like that... Which is a much more reasonable clause...

In my opinion, these changes are the inevitable evolution of relationships in an ever-changing world and must be taken according to what each individual needs... As long as all the participants are informed and agree, I think they can lead their lives as they please... What do you think?

It's all in how you take it... It doesn't have to hurt!

I have heard words like 'faggot' and 'queer' countless times (ironically not usually directed at me, even when walking on the street holding hands with my bear) and I am hardly surprised or offended. In fact, I have come to terms with most terms and have no problems with them.

A long time ago, when my sister was around 13 or 14, she came home crying one day and said she was very angry 'cause in her school someone said I was a homo... I looked her in the eye, smiled and said: "Well, I am. And you have known that for a while too." I will never forget the expression on her face when she realised it was true and said "oh, right!" - she didn't have any more problems since then.

Funny how this works, huh? I think that, although most of these terms are intended as an offense, it depends on how we take them. When someone says stuff like "pillow-biter" or it's opposite, I just think "well, yeah! Sometimes. So?". I can't help but picture myself calling a heterosexual man something like "pussy-lover!" - they would probably smile and say "hell yeah!".

Why can't we be proud of our own sexuality and start learning to accept it ourselves? I think it's quite ironic that we complain about people rejecting and judging us when the real problem is in how we take things... Most gay men know that if it hurts, you're most likely doing it wrong! 

Being 'too gay' - What does that really mean?

Lately I have been thinking about this topic. I needed to get some new clothes and couldn't decide on where to go... Should I go somewhere fashionable or a place with more neutral clothes? Is wearing bright colours too much or is it odd to wear flannel shirts most of the time? 

While pondering on this topic I went on a designer's website and was terrified by the main page: a boy(?) wearing a flowery pink 'suit', a low-cut (WTF?) t-shirt (which looked more like a blouse) and a really thin scarf-type-thing around his neck... I, of course, decided against looking for anything fashion-related ever again. 

Still, this kind of judgement might have gone a bit too far, I mean it's not like we always have to stick to extremes... But where is the happy queer medium when it comes to what you wear? 

Also, what is the problem with being 'too gay'? I myself have come to realise I have this conflict when I hear people saying my 'gayness' shows a little... And it makes me uncomfortable and a bit too self-conscious - even though I always pride myself in the fact that I'm happy with my sexuality!

I don't really have a 'conclusion' on this topic right now... But I know I will definitely not walk around wearing clothes that make people wonder whether I have a twin sister I share my clothes with!

Lays - you can't have just one... Oops, did I miss the apostrophe?

This week I was preparing a questionnaire for a study on polyamorous relationships when I proposed to use the following item: "I have had less than 5 sex partners in the last..." - and here is where it got interesting... My research partner said "two years?" and I said "what? I was going to say 2 months!"

That's when I had a slight epiphany on two things: one, I spend all my time with gay men and thus have lost the grip on the idea that there are other kinds of lifestyles; two, straight people don't have nearly as much sex as we do... 

This might sound silly to some people, but then I wondered how many of my friends can still count the people they have had sex with? I mean, this girl knew the exact number (I'm sure she knows names and all). Personally, I can still remember (almost) all of them since I wasn't that active until a short time ago... But I can sense that soon it'll be impossible (and pointless) for me to try to list them.

Now, although I agree that women in general (at least in the straight world) tend to be more... reserved... about who they sleep with, I think it's way more than that. We were discussing this and we agreed that with men it's really just sex and nothing more... It's like "hey, you're hot, wanna do something?" "ok" and that's that.

I haven't had the chance to ask my friends directly how many people they think they have slept with but a couple of them gave me enough information by answering: "like, in the last week? or month?"

I'm not really interested in getting all philosophical here about the topic but it does get one to think... How does this change the way men interact? Does this mean it's harder for us to connect on that level or do we do other things that require that intimacy?

So, perhaps you won't feel like exposing yourself but... How many have you jumped in the sack with?