A 'masculine' kind of love.

"Hey asshole, how are you today?" literally means something like "Hey buddy, did you have a good day?"... Also, "you like that? wow, you're really stupid" means "you like that? wow, I haven't heard much or been interested in it because I'm afraid people will think I'm stupid"... Or so it seems...

I've seen this happen a lot among straight men; there is this dire need of using violence and aggression to mask anything which might pass for affection. This comes, of course, from that inherent fear of being judged as "too feminine" or just plain queer.

Now, one thing that supposedly characterizes the bear community is the fact that the men are masculine and virile; this is sometimes understood as 'acting straight' or rather making sure that you keep following the same guidelines they do. And while I admit to having a homophobic part of myself where I don't hang out with guys who are too flamboyant or refer to each other as 'girl' and use feminine pronouns and other similar words while talking to each other, I believe that it is important to evaluate some aspects of our behaviour before we go along with it.

Personally, while not 'big', I do consider myself masculine and pride myself in the fact that I am a man who likes men. This, however, does not stop me from being loving with my friends - I hug them, and try to demonstrate my affection as much as possible. Of course, this is the way I am and I do not intend to say it's the "right way". I just don't understand this tendency to hit someone or call them names when you clearly feel affection for them.  Even more when it's so plain that what they really need is more-obvious affection.

Making fun of someone's interests or something they say, trying to show that you think it's too gay just out of fear because someone else might judge you first is just plain stupid. 

I had a boyfriend who was a big mean-looking bear who was one of the most loving people I've ever met; I remember it was the thing that drew me to him so strongly, someone brave enough to match that masculine appearance without losing the ability of letting those he loved know what he felt for them.

My own conclusion on this topic is that, while it may be 'obvious' that calling your friends names and making fun of them is a way to show them you love them (from the safe side, since you can always deny it), I think it is important to reflect on whether that's really what they need to hear... Moreover, whether that's what you need from them as well.

Bears do yoga - featuring my buddy Thumper Bear from Washington D.C.

Thumper Bear, Ethan Hase and James Slattery doing yoga at the DC Center

Usually, when people think about 'exercise' the first ideas that come to mind are lean or muscular types who spend their lives working out at the gym... I, myself, refused to go to the gym for the longest time because I did not want to be seen beside those big guys looking like a skinny little wolf... This can be tough! I knew I needed to do something -and swimming is way too expensive- but I couldn't help comparing myself with the people who had been there forever...

Throughout my life, I have tried all kinds of sports: karate, tae-kwon-do, dancing, swimming, basketball, soccer, tennis, waterpolo, volleyball, etc. And, usually, I was surrounded by people who had a much better condition than I did, which discouraged me from going... (which is how I've been in so many).

Lately, I got into the more eastern-type 'exercises'. I tried tai-chi -which was really nice and helped me relax a lot, but did nothing for my appearence- and yoga. This last one has had me thinking for a while and I have come across many different points of view about it.

Initially, I did not think it could be considered exercise since it doesn't really look like you're doing much... I mean, it IS exhausting when done correctly and you do feel like you're working all your muscles; some people, however, will look at you and say "streching and moaning for an hour is NOT exercise, it's just to relax". And, of course, here I was also confronted with those who had the ability to bend into freakishly pretzel-like positions while I was having the worst time trying to touch my toes. Now, I used to think this was a sport for skinny people with rubber bones... But then, one day, I invited one of my bear friends to a yoga class and I was completely put to shame by this chub's flexibility!

Staying true to my generation, the first thing I did was post it on Facebook, along with the question whether or not yoga is real exercise. And that's where Thumper comes in. He has been promoting an event in Washington D.C. called "Bears Do Yoga" which is sponsored by the D.C. LGBT Center. I found this very unusual, not only because it totally breaks my stereotype of yoga enthusiasts, but mostly because this is handled as a bonding activity! This, then, has two main purposes: to promote healthier lifestyles amongst bears AND provide a setting where they can bond and share a common interest. I loved the idea!

Still, I don't think we have anything like this in Mexico City; more importantly, I doubt it could ever work. Mexicans are not 'team players', we are very competitive; this sort of activity would quickly become a source of conflict, with muslcebears looking down on the yoga practitioners and the latter probably becoming elitist and exclusive.

I have heard there IS a thing at a bar in our gay neighbourhood where people can go learn to dance on Sundays... We have yet to go but I am looking forward to seeing how, or rather whether it works... We will eventually try it and I will definitely let you know how it goes!!