Affection Currency - A short story

Matt went back home, opened the box, threw the instruction booklet away (who needs instructions nowadays? Computers are practically sentient!, he said to himself) and immediately plugged his new toy into his personal computer. Many times in the past, he had been accused of being too 'indifferent' or lacking empathy with his friends and family, when the truth was that Matt was just emotionally clumsy; however much he tried, he was not able to identify when people felt like he was giving 'too little' until it was 'too late'. Matt hoped this new gadget would help him improve that - or, better yet, correct it.

Matt felt excited about his new acquisition, he had finally been able to afford it after a long time saving up. The big tech companies had struck gold. Most people have a hard time with concepts that are too abstract and tend to misread things like 'emotions'; therefore, scientists came up with a smartphone-like device which converts them into more concrete concepts - the Affection Currency. All you have to do is link it to your Global Online Profile and this little gadget will access all your past and present relationships, reactions and interactions, creating simple graphs which can help you better understand your behavior, tendencies and areas of improvement. But, wait! There's more! This machine will keep track of your current relationships and give you feedback using 'Affection Dollars'; divided in two categories, Affection Dollars allow you to know how much energy you're investing in a relationship and how much you're actually getting back! Red Affection Dollars (Rad's) are those you receive from others and Black Affection Dollars (Bad's) are the ones you give... So, evidently, while technology seemed to be making huge leaps, marketing strategies were just as cheesy as before.

Still, nothing is ever as good as it seems. When committing to a formal, romantic relationship with someone, those two (or however many) people are required to register their new status on their devices; doing so will deactivate that specific relationship and none of the people involved in it will be able to see their Affection Dollar Flow.

Why is this? Well, it was discovered through very little (and mostly unnecessary) research that being able to track 'how much someone loved you' made a relationship too much like business and was not good for the human psyche. Also, it would probably have ended up in companies selling products with 'Affection Dollar' equivalents.

Our hero was happy with his purchase nevertheless.

The next morning, the device was up and running. Matt went through his history giddy with excitement, like a child running towards the swings on a sunny day... And it hurt as much as if he had tripped and smashed his head into the ground when he saw the screen. He realized that most of his relationships would start out red and end up black, which was not a bad thing itself when balanced, but it was definitely a tendency. "Does this mean that people start by caring about me and end up going away with just me caring for them?", Matt wondered out loud, a bit astonished. He knew he wasn't the best at showing affection but this was a little too extreme. Come to think of it, I haven't seen many of these people in a long time..., he thought as we was going through the list.

A couple of hours later, Matt was downright depressed. He had not found one relationship which seemed even remotely balanced (and no, his mother didn't count). He sat down in his living room, looking at his dog who, according to his gadget, was an emotional genius (the cat was in the other room). That was when Matt had a stroke... 

Of genius! He had been seeing this younger guy who he really liked. He had meant to ask him to make it official for some time now but had always been wary of the age difference. Or so he claimed, but it was really the fact that this guy was 'too happy'. What does that even mean, Matt? Too happy? Maybe it's just that you are too unhappy!, he heard his friends' voices in his head. "Yeah!", he said to his dog, "I'll tweak this gadget so I can see our relationship even after we're formal and registered, and then I will use it to make sure that I am giving enough!". 

Part 2 coming soon...

Gay love through the generations...

One of those things that I've rarely thought about even though most of my relationships have been with people at least 10 years older than me: How has the idea of 'love' changed through time? How does it affect what people look for and how they pursue it?

I was talking with a good friend about this and he had some very interesting ideas...

Starting with the way gay people have had to behave depending on the culture of the era. Not that many years ago, gay life was still pretty covert; people had to sneak around, hide, live in fear of being discovered and hardly being able to actually share anything with another person. So, perhaps, the focus was not so much on having a relationship (that was way too much work and, sometimes, just not possible), but rather on sex. While straight people where being taught that they had to meet someone they could spend the rest of their lives with, have babies and take to family parties, gay people had to lead double lives or look for someone they could find some relief with. We, as homosexuals, are not taught to look for the intimacy and permanence of an actual relationship. In some cheuvanistic cultures (like some places in Mexico), it is even okay to have a male lover as long as 'nobody knows about it and you get married to a woman'.

A bit later on, people who were born after Stonewall, pride and this whole diversity revolution... Well, we have it a bit easier. We are the ones who go out and hold hands with our lovers while walking down the street, face bullies and come out to our parents and try to teach them that "it's okay". We're like the 'transition generation'. We are able to, with some important effort still, have a relationship which is moderately acceptable in society and, more importantly, in our own social circles.

But, what happens when these two generations try to establish a relationship? When these two ideologies have to, somehow, coexist and adapt to each other?

Let's see. The one, while also yearning for companion, someone to share their lives with, has had to make it through the 'dark side of the street', so to speak. While we have had the chance to step into the other side...

Now, I don't want to generalize. There are always exceptions and there is no way I can speak for everybody. But this all just made me wonder if the concept of a 'romantic relationship' hasn't changed dramatically? Or enough to pose a problem for these combinations? Is my generation a bit more open to intimacy because we have been allowed to do it more openly? And have we stopped looking at sex as a union with somebody else because it is so easy to get? Or perhaps it's the other way around and we aren't really looking for that intimacy and just mistake it for sex. Maybe, people in the previous generation can separate love and sex more easily since the former was more rare and difficult to achieve? 

One thing I know for sure. Those of us who are relationship-oriented (and even those who say they aren't), are looking for someone to share our lives with; someone to love and be loved by. I'm a bit too romantic for my own good and I do believe that love can get you through anything. All those differences age, race, distance and other factors bring can be overcome as long as both people can communicate and are willing to compromise.

The L word... Not lesbian-related, by the way!

No, it's not Lesbian... I've never even seen that show! I just found it an appropriate title for this entry.

Once, after saying "I'm in love!" someone said to me "well, you fall in love every 15 minutes"... At first, I was offended and it even got me thinking whether it was true, but not long after I realized some things: firstly, I do not fall in love every 15 minutes, however I am very intense when I like someone; secondly, what if I did?

I have met so many people who live in panic of saying or hearing the 'l' word. Why is it so hard for people to say that word? Some responses are "because it's not REAL love" or "you don't really mean it"... And while I agree that someone who says they love you and want to move in with you on the second date should be sent to therapy, I think that keeping yourself from telling someone how you feel because of how they MIGHT react is also mental.

About 6 years ago, while dating the guy with whom I've had my longest relationship, I came to the conclusion that my feelings themselves were what mattered... We went to a restaurant and I told him "I need to tell you something... And, don't worry, I don't need you to say it back, I know you don't feel it yet; I have waited until being at the point where I don't need you to say it for me to feel fine" and then I told him I loved him. He cried and said he was very happy to hear it and he didn't love me back... Yet... A couple of months later he said it and we were together for 4 and a half years.

There are many reasons for people to say 'I love you', like getting laid, getting someone to do something they're not too enthusiastic about, to hear it back, to feel needed, etc. But I think that when you say it just because you feel it, with no other objective but to let the other person know, then there's no way you can lose...

So, my advice? If you feel something for someone... TELL THEM SO! Don't be afraid to say 'I love you'! So what if you say it to many people? It just means you have a great capacity to love! And let people criticize you, it's just a reminder that they can't feel what you do... 

We should be less worried about loving people forever and more concerned with loving people NOW! If you wait too long, it might be too late.